This is just a post to let everyone know that anyone that creates, plays, or encorages the use of online games is an accomplice to the american obesity problem and the destruction of families. It's worse than crack and alcohol combined. Just something to think about
FUCK COMPUTERS
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
insomnia strikes again.
So my insomnia is striking again. I was up blog stalking a few old friends from high school and then I thought I would give my blog some loving.
Ok first off I have a new workout goal. I still want to be able to do all those other things but I have a new goal. For anyone that doesn't know I've become ridiculously Baby Hungry since getting married. (and a little before. Crazy huh?) So I found this picture on the internet and printed it off and have it in my gym bag and wallet.. ok well I can't figure out how to post a pic on here cuz I'm pretty computer-tarded and my nerd husband is asleep. like most normal people at this hour. But it's a pic of a really cute little boy about age 2. I've decided that that is my new goal. I want to start trying for a baby this year. I have to see if I can talk Andy into it a little earlier than he was hoping but we'll see what happens. before that can happen tho I need to get my Blood pressure down a little and get to a healthy weight and then get some finacial things taken care of but hopefully by about june or july I can bring up the subject again. (andy wanted to wait til like next jan but I'm not sure I wanna wait that long. I think this is a good compromise) We'll see if I still feel this way if and when I get into weber.
Which brings me to my next random thought. I need to get back to school. and how much fun will it be since I'm married. You know there are times that I miss the single lifestyle. But I know that if I wasn't married I'd be sitting in my cramped little room at my parents doing the same amount of nothing I was doing before. Which gave me a good lesson. When I lost my job at Files in 2008 it started a whole chain of events that I didn't really understand but now looking back I can see what a difference they've made in my life. I now know that everything I was forced to go thru during that time was to prepare me to enter into the house of the Lord and later to seal myself to my best friend for time and all eternity. It was one of the toughest things I have ever had to do. I still remember every agonizing day and week of searching for jobs and getting rejected time and time again. I remember the bills (of which I only had 3 oh the days) pilling up and trying to make everything streach hoping that tomorrow would be the day that the IRS would call. I remeber getting rejected for unemployment because I was in school and therefor was 'unable to accept full time employment' and I rememer what a jerk I was to those closest to me. I also rememeber a few of the good things. I remember having a phone call court date -which sounds and is pretty stupid- and I remember the judge saying "After hearing your case I think you can accept full time work. I hearby grant you unemployment." Best thing a judge has ever done for me. I cried. I had just accepted a job at teleproformance but I wasn't going to get paid for 3 weeks as is the way with most jobs. I had school and a car payment due within the next week. I checked my account 2 days later and there was $1000 in there. Just enough to pay for my next semster of school my car payment and for gas until I was to get paid again. I remember all the time I spent with my mom because I couldn't afford to go anywhere cuz I needed the gas in my car to get me to work and back. We had a few fights but mostly we had a lot of fun. My dad was at work and ellie was in school so it was just me and her. I remember the day that they told me that a few of the perm employees had opted to get laid off early in because of that I got to stay on for 2 more weeks and get an extra paycheck. and perhaps the biggest thing I remember is when I went to Andy for help. I had spent days cring myself to sleep and spending the days just trying to function in a semi normal fashion and figuring out where to go from here (if there is one thing I hate more than not being in control of my life it's not being in control of my emotions and like crying in front of people. and at this point in time I was living on the verge of both all the time) After about three days of this zombie stage my friend Angi texted me and basically told me that I needed a blessing. Anyone that knows my family knows that the very closest realative I could ask is my great uncle or one of my 2nd cousins. I thought about Darcy's dad for a minute and although Jeff's has been like a second home to me for many years that still felt weird. Angi offered her dad or one of her bros but that felt even more weird. the one person that kept coming up was Andy. I don't remember exactly what was said or what happened but I remember going over there feeling so terrible. so Hopeless. and I remeber after the fact as I stood there trying to figure out what had just happened and what had changed. The answer was nothing. I was still jobless. I was still dependent on my parents i was still lost and confused. But there was hope. And that hope kept me going for the next two months in a semi sane fashion. It helped me thru the worst job I have ever had-and I worked fast food for 3 years- telemarketing. and it kept that little spark of hope alive in me that someday I would work in one of the behind teleperformance (there are currently two irs buildings behing there and I am currently working in one of them. a year later) In fact just the other day I stopped and looked at the big now hiring sign and rememebered standing out there just a year prior looking at the building and thinking. Someday. I don't care what it takes. Someday I WILL work there. Well here it is one year later and I do. I learned that when I set my mind to something there is no stopping me. That night was also the night I fell in love and realized that I wanted... no needed.. the priesthood in my life. At one of my pre wedding party thingys Darcy had this game set up where she had already asked andy questions then she asked me the same questions and then compared them to his. One of the questions was when did you know that he/she was the one you would marry? I didn't want to go into this night with all my friends there cuz I knew I would cry (and we all know how much I hate that. see above) so I made up some other answer but this was it. Despite all the little things that he does that just bug the hell outta me I still love him and consiter him my best friend. Lately It seems all we do is argue and I feel like I'm constantly nagging him or irritated with him. This is one of the two memeories that puts things into persepective (the other one can't be posted here. Sorry that's for me only) I've decided to amend my new years resolution. This year I am going to try and keep things into perspective and do everythign I can to strengthen myself physically mentally and spirtually as well as to strengthen my marriage. It doesn't matter if the clothes get hung up or who vaccums in the eternal perspective. I also resolve to notice the little things that God does for me in my day to day life to help push me just a little more. For years i had complained about getting up early to drag myself to work or complained about the hours or wished I had more time to myself or to hang out with friends. after I got laid off I wished I had to get up early to go to work. As much as I hate swing shift I am so greatful to have a job in these times. a job that allows me to make enough to pay all my bills and even occasionally do something fun with. and a job that I (for the most part) enjoy and could see myself in for a long time comfortably. A job that stimulates me intelectually and a job that has opportunities for growth. I already have my eventual goal in place and I am finding ways to take the steps I need to get there. (I want to be an anaylist preferably budget but I'll take any) I needed reminding of this I guess. These random late night tangents are often a very good way for me to learn things. even tho most of the time it just seems like a jumble of spelling errors and lack of punctuation, it usually clears my head and what is left is what I needed to hear. that's pretty much it
oh ps motts pear flavored applesauce and juice consisting of three or more fruits and made from concentrate makes an awesome midnight (or in this case 6:54am) snack. try it ok back to my thought train.
Ok first off I have a new workout goal. I still want to be able to do all those other things but I have a new goal. For anyone that doesn't know I've become ridiculously Baby Hungry since getting married. (and a little before. Crazy huh?) So I found this picture on the internet and printed it off and have it in my gym bag and wallet.. ok well I can't figure out how to post a pic on here cuz I'm pretty computer-tarded and my nerd husband is asleep. like most normal people at this hour. But it's a pic of a really cute little boy about age 2. I've decided that that is my new goal. I want to start trying for a baby this year. I have to see if I can talk Andy into it a little earlier than he was hoping but we'll see what happens. before that can happen tho I need to get my Blood pressure down a little and get to a healthy weight and then get some finacial things taken care of but hopefully by about june or july I can bring up the subject again. (andy wanted to wait til like next jan but I'm not sure I wanna wait that long. I think this is a good compromise) We'll see if I still feel this way if and when I get into weber.
Which brings me to my next random thought. I need to get back to school. and how much fun will it be since I'm married. You know there are times that I miss the single lifestyle. But I know that if I wasn't married I'd be sitting in my cramped little room at my parents doing the same amount of nothing I was doing before. Which gave me a good lesson. When I lost my job at Files in 2008 it started a whole chain of events that I didn't really understand but now looking back I can see what a difference they've made in my life. I now know that everything I was forced to go thru during that time was to prepare me to enter into the house of the Lord and later to seal myself to my best friend for time and all eternity. It was one of the toughest things I have ever had to do. I still remember every agonizing day and week of searching for jobs and getting rejected time and time again. I remember the bills (of which I only had 3 oh the days) pilling up and trying to make everything streach hoping that tomorrow would be the day that the IRS would call. I remeber getting rejected for unemployment because I was in school and therefor was 'unable to accept full time employment' and I rememer what a jerk I was to those closest to me. I also rememeber a few of the good things. I remember having a phone call court date -which sounds and is pretty stupid- and I remember the judge saying "After hearing your case I think you can accept full time work. I hearby grant you unemployment." Best thing a judge has ever done for me. I cried. I had just accepted a job at teleproformance but I wasn't going to get paid for 3 weeks as is the way with most jobs. I had school and a car payment due within the next week. I checked my account 2 days later and there was $1000 in there. Just enough to pay for my next semster of school my car payment and for gas until I was to get paid again. I remember all the time I spent with my mom because I couldn't afford to go anywhere cuz I needed the gas in my car to get me to work and back. We had a few fights but mostly we had a lot of fun. My dad was at work and ellie was in school so it was just me and her. I remember the day that they told me that a few of the perm employees had opted to get laid off early in because of that I got to stay on for 2 more weeks and get an extra paycheck. and perhaps the biggest thing I remember is when I went to Andy for help. I had spent days cring myself to sleep and spending the days just trying to function in a semi normal fashion and figuring out where to go from here (if there is one thing I hate more than not being in control of my life it's not being in control of my emotions and like crying in front of people. and at this point in time I was living on the verge of both all the time) After about three days of this zombie stage my friend Angi texted me and basically told me that I needed a blessing. Anyone that knows my family knows that the very closest realative I could ask is my great uncle or one of my 2nd cousins. I thought about Darcy's dad for a minute and although Jeff's has been like a second home to me for many years that still felt weird. Angi offered her dad or one of her bros but that felt even more weird. the one person that kept coming up was Andy. I don't remember exactly what was said or what happened but I remember going over there feeling so terrible. so Hopeless. and I remeber after the fact as I stood there trying to figure out what had just happened and what had changed. The answer was nothing. I was still jobless. I was still dependent on my parents i was still lost and confused. But there was hope. And that hope kept me going for the next two months in a semi sane fashion. It helped me thru the worst job I have ever had-and I worked fast food for 3 years- telemarketing. and it kept that little spark of hope alive in me that someday I would work in one of the behind teleperformance (there are currently two irs buildings behing there and I am currently working in one of them. a year later) In fact just the other day I stopped and looked at the big now hiring sign and rememebered standing out there just a year prior looking at the building and thinking. Someday. I don't care what it takes. Someday I WILL work there. Well here it is one year later and I do. I learned that when I set my mind to something there is no stopping me. That night was also the night I fell in love and realized that I wanted... no needed.. the priesthood in my life. At one of my pre wedding party thingys Darcy had this game set up where she had already asked andy questions then she asked me the same questions and then compared them to his. One of the questions was when did you know that he/she was the one you would marry? I didn't want to go into this night with all my friends there cuz I knew I would cry (and we all know how much I hate that. see above) so I made up some other answer but this was it. Despite all the little things that he does that just bug the hell outta me I still love him and consiter him my best friend. Lately It seems all we do is argue and I feel like I'm constantly nagging him or irritated with him. This is one of the two memeories that puts things into persepective (the other one can't be posted here. Sorry that's for me only) I've decided to amend my new years resolution. This year I am going to try and keep things into perspective and do everythign I can to strengthen myself physically mentally and spirtually as well as to strengthen my marriage. It doesn't matter if the clothes get hung up or who vaccums in the eternal perspective. I also resolve to notice the little things that God does for me in my day to day life to help push me just a little more. For years i had complained about getting up early to drag myself to work or complained about the hours or wished I had more time to myself or to hang out with friends. after I got laid off I wished I had to get up early to go to work. As much as I hate swing shift I am so greatful to have a job in these times. a job that allows me to make enough to pay all my bills and even occasionally do something fun with. and a job that I (for the most part) enjoy and could see myself in for a long time comfortably. A job that stimulates me intelectually and a job that has opportunities for growth. I already have my eventual goal in place and I am finding ways to take the steps I need to get there. (I want to be an anaylist preferably budget but I'll take any) I needed reminding of this I guess. These random late night tangents are often a very good way for me to learn things. even tho most of the time it just seems like a jumble of spelling errors and lack of punctuation, it usually clears my head and what is left is what I needed to hear. that's pretty much it
oh ps motts pear flavored applesauce and juice consisting of three or more fruits and made from concentrate makes an awesome midnight (or in this case 6:54am) snack. try it ok back to my thought train.
Friday, January 8, 2010
New Year.
So it's a new year. Not only that but it's a new decade. Yay! I guess. We started things off right on New years Day with the Rose Bowl which Ohio State won. Yay! And then on the 2nd I got to hang out with Charla and John and Lana And Craig. Which was just awesome! and then on the 4th Bosie State Beat TCU and stayed undefeated. WOO! Then on the 5th My buddy From work Sammie and I Joined Anytime Fitness in Clinton and we've been going to work out for at least an hour every night after work (for the last 3 nights) I'm not sure how much good it's doing really but I'm makeing a new friend, I've started feeling semi normal because I get to go out and do something every day, I've been sleeping better for the most part and without the help of sleep aids, I have more energy and feel better (despite being sore-er) and I had dropped 1.8 pounds in two freaking days. Awesome! Then I had BK for lunch and put all that on plus more. But whatevs. It's a good lesson in food. What I eat really does make a difference. But I've also decided that I'm not going to make weight based goals because if they don't pan out I'll get discouraged. Instead I've decided to make other goals that may or may not prompt weight loss and by posting it here then I will I have to live up to them. (unlike Some Tara's who promse to post more and then leave us hanging... are you trying to build the suspense? It's built! lol jk) so here they are my 2010 goals:
1: Run a mile in 7 minutes without being winded
2: Be able to do 10 chin ups.
3: Be able to do 10 push ups
4: Be able to run 5 miles continually without stopping no matter the time.
5: Be able to Face myself in the mirror and not be ashamed. To know that I have done everything I can to better myself physically and have something to show for it. And to know that I can set goals for myself and reach them.
We'll see how this turns out. but I'm locked into a contract with said gym(the only gym in Northern Utah open 24/7) for 12 months. So whether I use it or not I'll be paying $32 a month to them until next Feb. So I'd better use it. (that's $384 in a year) Also I'm hoping to have a kid this time next year. (we'll see how onboard someone else is about this... but we've got about 4 maybe 5 years ot be done having kids. Long Story) But I have high blood pressure and crappy everything habits amoung other things all of which I am working towards for this coming year.
Also on my list of goals is one finacial goal. Get all of the following debt paid off. on our list we have
-One line of credit each at $500 a piece totallying $1000
-A line of Credit at Rc Willeys totalling $1500
-My Credit Card at $1000
-My car at $285. (I should own it by March)
-And our rings that are left with approx $500
If I can get a good chunk of that paid by May along with keeping up on the
current bills then we may think about being able to get a house. But I'm not holding my breath . With me at a GS 5 and Andy refusing to move out of his GS 4 there is no way we could afford a house anyway I crunch it. We'll see what happens.
My next goals are some that will make me sound like a total bitch and could be classified as "Kicking against the pricks" but I'm pretty adament about most of them. Ok some back story. Before We got married when we were just engaged Andy and I talked about what we wanted our future home to be like. We agreed we didn't want to have "packrat piles" like both sets of our parents do. We agreed not to have "dumping grounds" like both our familes do. and we agreed that we would put all dirty dishes in the dishwasher immediatly and not let them pile up. We talked about not leaving clean clothes in the laundry basket and actually putting them away (Which I have been guilty of a few times I will admit)also amoung other things. To date I can count on one hand the number of times that I haven't had to put the dishes away out of the dishwasher because the sink was too full to use. I have never ever once seen him load the dishwasher the way I asked (with all the spoons in one basket section and all the forks in another and all the sharp ones in another and so on) because "that's dumb it takes too long and {He's} not going to do it". We cannot even think about going into our second bedroom except in a straight line to "his" computer (which I will get to later) because we have to keep every box or wire or anything ever. I threw/gave/donanted/stored away 2/3rds of my possesions when we got married cuz I knew we didn't have room and wanted to make a fresh start. He brought everything he's ever owned apperantly and nothing can be parted with. The kitchen counter looks like a 6 year old empted his pockets 3 weeks out of the month til it gets to me and I clean it. No matter what I ask him to do he always ALWAYS has an excuse for why he can't. Either "I've done it this way for 26 years" or "that'll take too long" or my personal favrite "that bothers me" I'm sick of fighting about it so I've started just being bitchy. all the time. I'm sick of it. It's like everything I do to try and make things better he goes out of his way to destroy. So I've decided that talking about it doesn't help cuz he's all talk and no action so now I am going to give it one more go with the "talking" and then if that doesn't do it I'm going to start having restrictions. I really hope it doesn't come to it but I may end up with a whole lot of mens clothes that won't get hung up and games that are more important than the few simple things I ask him to do to give away. so keep a watch out. Most of the time I feel like I am married to a jackass or a 15 year old. All the cute things and going out of the way he did when we were dating has been replaced by grouciness at the slightest request (your garms have holes in them I'm going to get more for myself would you get dressed and come with me) turn into the hugest fights. (I hate leaving the house. I'm very comfortable when I don't have to I do not want to leave. I'm just going to sit at my effing computer and play the same stupid game forever and eat and fart and burp without getting dressed. not even when we have company over so I look like a slob and not help you and yell over stupid shit and things will be done my way or I will make up stupid excuses for why they can't be done anyother way but the way that I want... ok I may have made up a little of the last part) I'm not sure i can handle a full year living with him like this let alone an eternity. More and more do I wish that I had said "you know I'm going on a mission." I love him dearly but I feel like I am the only one trying in this. I'm done dealing with this. I may be bitchy cunning and evil most of 2010 hopefully we'll come out stronger and I won't be so pissed all the time. Wish me luck on this impossible task.(any and all advice on this situation -however brutal- is welcome and apprecialted)
The last goal I have for this year is to tone down the swearing. I can have a serious mouth on me. (Noooo you may reply. I know it's shocking but true) I doubt I'll ever be able to clear it out completely-especially when I'm upset- but I would like to remove a good chunk of it. but it's a minor goal to the major ones I've mentioned above. aight well it's 5 am. almost. time for soem sleep
1: Run a mile in 7 minutes without being winded
2: Be able to do 10 chin ups.
3: Be able to do 10 push ups
4: Be able to run 5 miles continually without stopping no matter the time.
5: Be able to Face myself in the mirror and not be ashamed. To know that I have done everything I can to better myself physically and have something to show for it. And to know that I can set goals for myself and reach them.
We'll see how this turns out. but I'm locked into a contract with said gym(the only gym in Northern Utah open 24/7) for 12 months. So whether I use it or not I'll be paying $32 a month to them until next Feb. So I'd better use it. (that's $384 in a year) Also I'm hoping to have a kid this time next year. (we'll see how onboard someone else is about this... but we've got about 4 maybe 5 years ot be done having kids. Long Story) But I have high blood pressure and crappy everything habits amoung other things all of which I am working towards for this coming year.
Also on my list of goals is one finacial goal. Get all of the following debt paid off. on our list we have
-One line of credit each at $500 a piece totallying $1000
-A line of Credit at Rc Willeys totalling $1500
-My Credit Card at $1000
-My car at $285. (I should own it by March)
-And our rings that are left with approx $500
If I can get a good chunk of that paid by May along with keeping up on the
current bills then we may think about being able to get a house. But I'm not holding my breath . With me at a GS 5 and Andy refusing to move out of his GS 4 there is no way we could afford a house anyway I crunch it. We'll see what happens.
My next goals are some that will make me sound like a total bitch and could be classified as "Kicking against the pricks" but I'm pretty adament about most of them. Ok some back story. Before We got married when we were just engaged Andy and I talked about what we wanted our future home to be like. We agreed we didn't want to have "packrat piles" like both sets of our parents do. We agreed not to have "dumping grounds" like both our familes do. and we agreed that we would put all dirty dishes in the dishwasher immediatly and not let them pile up. We talked about not leaving clean clothes in the laundry basket and actually putting them away (Which I have been guilty of a few times I will admit)also amoung other things. To date I can count on one hand the number of times that I haven't had to put the dishes away out of the dishwasher because the sink was too full to use. I have never ever once seen him load the dishwasher the way I asked (with all the spoons in one basket section and all the forks in another and all the sharp ones in another and so on) because "that's dumb it takes too long and {He's} not going to do it". We cannot even think about going into our second bedroom except in a straight line to "his" computer (which I will get to later) because we have to keep every box or wire or anything ever. I threw/gave/donanted/stored away 2/3rds of my possesions when we got married cuz I knew we didn't have room and wanted to make a fresh start. He brought everything he's ever owned apperantly and nothing can be parted with. The kitchen counter looks like a 6 year old empted his pockets 3 weeks out of the month til it gets to me and I clean it. No matter what I ask him to do he always ALWAYS has an excuse for why he can't. Either "I've done it this way for 26 years" or "that'll take too long" or my personal favrite "that bothers me" I'm sick of fighting about it so I've started just being bitchy. all the time. I'm sick of it. It's like everything I do to try and make things better he goes out of his way to destroy. So I've decided that talking about it doesn't help cuz he's all talk and no action so now I am going to give it one more go with the "talking" and then if that doesn't do it I'm going to start having restrictions. I really hope it doesn't come to it but I may end up with a whole lot of mens clothes that won't get hung up and games that are more important than the few simple things I ask him to do to give away. so keep a watch out. Most of the time I feel like I am married to a jackass or a 15 year old. All the cute things and going out of the way he did when we were dating has been replaced by grouciness at the slightest request (your garms have holes in them I'm going to get more for myself would you get dressed and come with me) turn into the hugest fights. (I hate leaving the house. I'm very comfortable when I don't have to I do not want to leave. I'm just going to sit at my effing computer and play the same stupid game forever and eat and fart and burp without getting dressed. not even when we have company over so I look like a slob and not help you and yell over stupid shit and things will be done my way or I will make up stupid excuses for why they can't be done anyother way but the way that I want... ok I may have made up a little of the last part) I'm not sure i can handle a full year living with him like this let alone an eternity. More and more do I wish that I had said "you know I'm going on a mission." I love him dearly but I feel like I am the only one trying in this. I'm done dealing with this. I may be bitchy cunning and evil most of 2010 hopefully we'll come out stronger and I won't be so pissed all the time. Wish me luck on this impossible task.(any and all advice on this situation -however brutal- is welcome and apprecialted)
The last goal I have for this year is to tone down the swearing. I can have a serious mouth on me. (Noooo you may reply. I know it's shocking but true) I doubt I'll ever be able to clear it out completely-especially when I'm upset- but I would like to remove a good chunk of it. but it's a minor goal to the major ones I've mentioned above. aight well it's 5 am. almost. time for soem sleep
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