Here I am back for more ventingish.
My good friend Steph just got engaged. so Congrats to her. I hope things for her and Allen work out. I miss that time. as hectic and stressful as it was it seems like things for me and Andy have gone downhill since then. But I'm super happy for her. They are planning june 23rd so hopefully Darcy will still be here and all that we'll see. Congrats Steph and Allen.
Tonight Jim and Amanda invited us over for dinner. That was super nice to get out and see Clay and Lexi and them and just visit. Thanks you guys.
Now for the venting part of the post. I'm not sure where to start but here goes
I'm pretty fed up with the state of things here. I thought we had a real breakthrough last week but it feels like that was crap. He claimed he was going to do something about it and yet nothing. I'm pretty fed up with this technology crap tho. Everything has to be about technology. Last night I went to sleep in the bed cuz I was actually tired instead of fine and then asleep like normal. He went to bed half hour earlier. I get there and he was playing solitare on his ipod. He played that for prolly another hour before I fell asleep and god knows how long after. I get up today realize I have slept thru church yet again, went out started watching tv and then was asleep again. I dunno how that happened. When I woke up andy was in on his stupid computer as always. he stayed on it til prolly 6 or 615 when we started getting ready to go to his brothers house for dinner as mentioned above. on the way there he bitched about the road being closed and 12th street being remodled. Then we didn't say anything til we got there. There he didn't say much and then proceeded to get in an argument with his brother over freaking pineapple. Really? After Dinner Amanda and I stayed in the kitchen for a while talking and Jim and Andy went out into the living room to talk. then Amanda and I went into the living room. Durring this discussion andy pulled out his phone to 'look at the time' and then proceeded to mess with it totally reverting his attention to that instead of the discussion with his brother and sister in law. really? REALLY?! That sealed it. I don't care what kinda fight there is he will not be having internet on his phone when he jumps to my plan. I will shut data off completely. This is ridiculous. Then nothing was said on the way back and then we get home I go to the bathroom and by the time I was out he was in the bedroom and hasn't come out since. You know this "depression" crap is a bull. I don't really care what anyone says. He claimes it runs in his family. Guess what? runs on both sides of mine too. and yet I've learned to deal with it. I don't spend my whole life scared and angry at everyone and everything. I don't take pills and I am hesitant to even let that be an option. those pills are a joke. Dr's just perscribe them to assuge people. the real problem is in the mind. people who take them are quitters and can't freaking deal with life. So since it's been weeks since he said he would do something about it and surprise surprise nothing has been done then I am now doing something about it. But it won't be pills and it sure as hell won't be spending life on that fucking computer. "It's how I relax" well I suggest you find a new way. this technology crap is done. He won't go to school or better himself with it and only hide behind it. the ultimatum is now. Unless tomorrow I lear something that blows me away it will be me or that computer and those fucking games. It is getting really hard for me to keep caring about someone that doesn't give a shit about himself or anything else. I'm sorry his parents didn't do this a long time ago but I sure am. And he can either choose to change or he will choose to get the fuck outta my house. But I cannot take this depressed-lazy-hide from taking reponsiblity-bullshit anymore. It's wearing on me and it's wearing on my health. I guess I better go get the number for LDSfamily services. they are getting a call tomorrow from me. My buddy Daniel recomended a great mariage councler but we are going a step farther. we are going to get a single councelor for his "depression" til that councelor and God tell me that there is no other way except pills that WILL NOT be an option. Mark my words.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
okey day
So obviously a lot of people read this. I would just like to reitterate that this is used as a vent space for me. mostly. yeah. also I use it to organize my thoughts. so for all you awesome people who will some day have a nice gramatically/politically correct, well put together collection of fun memories and photos with little to no swearing to show your kids, good for you. This is not one of those blogs.
ok so moving on.things between me and Andy have gotten better. We had a real breakthrough a few nights ago and things have felt better since then. at least between us. I am still getting over a bout of homesickness but the only thought that seems to keep popping into my head is what I've told other people time and time again. "the hard scary things are the things worth doing." I think I'm just scared of the unknown. So I'm trying to muscle thru this. We'll see what happens.
Number two. I. Am. So. Sick. Of. Swing. Effing. Shit!.. I mean Shift.I thought I would love it. I absolutly HATE it. I mean I like my job-I won't go as far as to say I love it-and it is a hellova lot better than the shithole I came from(at least here I have yet to be pegged a racist by a 50 year old loser who had nothing better to do but make my life miserable, but I am sick of not having a life. I feel like crap all the time. I never get to see anyone. I can't help at the playhouse. I con't even go to the playhouse, and therefore I have become a bitch to live with. I know that. I try and keep my temper under control and let stupid things roll off, but there is only so much I can take. I have been on nights for two years. I am sick of it. I've heard a lot of people talk about how swing is the shift to move up in until you are comfortable with your job then try and get to days. and others talk about how universtiy was so much easier being on nights and how once that degree is done then it's so much easier to go to days. and Still others just say relax and see what happens this is a great place for you to be. you don't want ot be on opposite shifts as your husband. Not til you have to. To those people I say. Bah! I've done this swing shift shit long enough. If I didn't have friends I would like to see and I was content to just sit around playing video games and watching tv and being online then yes swing would be perfect. But I get antsy being cooped up. I feel like I am missing things. My best friend is leaving on a mission soon and I feel like I haven't spent any time with her since high school. She went to BYUI and I stayed here. She comes back and I am on swings and in the middle of planning a wedding. I try and plan things around my day off I get a new job and that day off is taken from me with little to no hope of gettig it back til middle of the summer the way things are going. She is working, taking university classes and preparing for a mission. we don't even really text anymore cuz we are so busy. My little sister is growing up before my eyes and I am missing it. Last time I saw her she had a seasonal christmas stint at Shopko and was trying to get on track for graduation. Now she has a perm job at shopko, a volunteer job at a retirement home, she is taking a concurrent enrollment cna class and looking at going to Utah Carrer College for vet tech this fall. WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?! SO here we are again. At the brink of an assload of rejection. But I am going to get on days before I am 22 or die trying. Forests of the world. prepare yourself. cuz the IRS is about to send me hundreds of rejection letters telling me I didn't make the cut or I'm not eligable. But maybe, Just maybe, in all those day jobs someone will take pity on me and give me a chance. Or perhaps people will get sick of my bitching and moaning and bellyaching and stick me somewhere just to shut up. But I will kiss whatever ass I have to, pull whatever strings I can find to pull, say and do whatever it takes. But I am getting out of this swing shift puragtory as fast as humanly possible.
Anywho. I'm about to start a long time period of 12 hour days until I reach the 24 hour credit limit or they take it away (about 8 days I think) so I am going to attempt to get my fill in of watching tv and sleeping for the next 3 days. Cuz I have this funny feeling nither will be happening again til friday night. So for all you who may or may not read this. Night ya'll.
ok so moving on.things between me and Andy have gotten better. We had a real breakthrough a few nights ago and things have felt better since then. at least between us. I am still getting over a bout of homesickness but the only thought that seems to keep popping into my head is what I've told other people time and time again. "the hard scary things are the things worth doing." I think I'm just scared of the unknown. So I'm trying to muscle thru this. We'll see what happens.
Number two. I. Am. So. Sick. Of. Swing. Effing. Shit!.. I mean Shift.I thought I would love it. I absolutly HATE it. I mean I like my job-I won't go as far as to say I love it-and it is a hellova lot better than the shithole I came from(at least here I have yet to be pegged a racist by a 50 year old loser who had nothing better to do but make my life miserable, but I am sick of not having a life. I feel like crap all the time. I never get to see anyone. I can't help at the playhouse. I con't even go to the playhouse, and therefore I have become a bitch to live with. I know that. I try and keep my temper under control and let stupid things roll off, but there is only so much I can take. I have been on nights for two years. I am sick of it. I've heard a lot of people talk about how swing is the shift to move up in until you are comfortable with your job then try and get to days. and others talk about how universtiy was so much easier being on nights and how once that degree is done then it's so much easier to go to days. and Still others just say relax and see what happens this is a great place for you to be. you don't want ot be on opposite shifts as your husband. Not til you have to. To those people I say. Bah! I've done this swing shift shit long enough. If I didn't have friends I would like to see and I was content to just sit around playing video games and watching tv and being online then yes swing would be perfect. But I get antsy being cooped up. I feel like I am missing things. My best friend is leaving on a mission soon and I feel like I haven't spent any time with her since high school. She went to BYUI and I stayed here. She comes back and I am on swings and in the middle of planning a wedding. I try and plan things around my day off I get a new job and that day off is taken from me with little to no hope of gettig it back til middle of the summer the way things are going. She is working, taking university classes and preparing for a mission. we don't even really text anymore cuz we are so busy. My little sister is growing up before my eyes and I am missing it. Last time I saw her she had a seasonal christmas stint at Shopko and was trying to get on track for graduation. Now she has a perm job at shopko, a volunteer job at a retirement home, she is taking a concurrent enrollment cna class and looking at going to Utah Carrer College for vet tech this fall. WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?! SO here we are again. At the brink of an assload of rejection. But I am going to get on days before I am 22 or die trying. Forests of the world. prepare yourself. cuz the IRS is about to send me hundreds of rejection letters telling me I didn't make the cut or I'm not eligable. But maybe, Just maybe, in all those day jobs someone will take pity on me and give me a chance. Or perhaps people will get sick of my bitching and moaning and bellyaching and stick me somewhere just to shut up. But I will kiss whatever ass I have to, pull whatever strings I can find to pull, say and do whatever it takes. But I am getting out of this swing shift puragtory as fast as humanly possible.
Anywho. I'm about to start a long time period of 12 hour days until I reach the 24 hour credit limit or they take it away (about 8 days I think) so I am going to attempt to get my fill in of watching tv and sleeping for the next 3 days. Cuz I have this funny feeling nither will be happening again til friday night. So for all you who may or may not read this. Night ya'll.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
