okey day

So obviously a lot of people read this. I would just like to reitterate that this is used as a vent space for me. mostly. yeah. also I use it to organize my thoughts. so for all you awesome people who will some day have a nice gramatically/politically correct, well put together collection of fun memories and photos with little to no swearing to show your kids, good for you. This is not one of those blogs.

ok so moving on.things between me and Andy have gotten better. We had a real breakthrough a few nights ago and things have felt better since then. at least between us. I am still getting over a bout of homesickness but the only thought that seems to keep popping into my head is what I've told other people time and time again. "the hard scary things are the things worth doing." I think I'm just scared of the unknown. So I'm trying to muscle thru this. We'll see what happens.

Number two. I. Am. So. Sick. Of. Swing. Effing. Shit!.. I mean Shift.I thought I would love it. I absolutly HATE it. I mean I like my job-I won't go as far as to say I love it-and it is a hellova lot better than the shithole I came from(at least here I have yet to be pegged a racist by a 50 year old loser who had nothing better to do but make my life miserable, but I am sick of not having a life. I feel like crap all the time. I never get to see anyone. I can't help at the playhouse. I con't even go to the playhouse, and therefore I have become a bitch to live with. I know that. I try and keep my temper under control and let stupid things roll off, but there is only so much I can take. I have been on nights for two years. I am sick of it. I've heard a lot of people talk about how swing is the shift to move up in until you are comfortable with your job then try and get to days. and others talk about how universtiy was so much easier being on nights and how once that degree is done then it's so much easier to go to days. and Still others just say relax and see what happens this is a great place for you to be. you don't want ot be on opposite shifts as your husband. Not til you have to. To those people I say. Bah! I've done this swing shift shit long enough. If I didn't have friends I would like to see and I was content to just sit around playing video games and watching tv and being online then yes swing would be perfect. But I get antsy being cooped up. I feel like I am missing things. My best friend is leaving on a mission soon and I feel like I haven't spent any time with her since high school. She went to BYUI and I stayed here. She comes back and I am on swings and in the middle of planning a wedding. I try and plan things around my day off I get a new job and that day off is taken from me with little to no hope of gettig it back til middle of the summer the way things are going. She is working, taking university classes and preparing for a mission. we don't even really text anymore cuz we are so busy. My little sister is growing up before my eyes and I am missing it. Last time I saw her she had a seasonal christmas stint at Shopko and was trying to get on track for graduation. Now she has a perm job at shopko, a volunteer job at a retirement home, she is taking a concurrent enrollment cna class and looking at going to Utah Carrer College for vet tech this fall. WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?! SO here we are again. At the brink of an assload of rejection. But I am going to get on days before I am 22 or die trying. Forests of the world. prepare yourself. cuz the IRS is about to send me hundreds of rejection letters telling me I didn't make the cut or I'm not eligable. But maybe, Just maybe, in all those day jobs someone will take pity on me and give me a chance. Or perhaps people will get sick of my bitching and moaning and bellyaching and stick me somewhere just to shut up. But I will kiss whatever ass I have to, pull whatever strings I can find to pull, say and do whatever it takes. But I am getting out of this swing shift puragtory as fast as humanly possible.

Anywho. I'm about to start a long time period of 12 hour days until I reach the 24 hour credit limit or they take it away (about 8 days I think) so I am going to attempt to get my fill in of watching tv and sleeping for the next 3 days. Cuz I have this funny feeling nither will be happening again til friday night. So for all you who may or may not read this. Night ya'll.