the big bang theory and other ramblings

so I'm sitting here watching my newly aquired seasons of the big bang theory and I thought maybe I'd try and figure some stuff out... or wallow... prolly wallow mostly. and angrily.

so first off I had my second college midterm. 97.1% boo yah! If I only take one class at a time I can graduate college with a 4.0 in only 15.5 years. So when I am 37.5 we will have a fun graduation party. and then another 7 years later we'll have one for my masters and then another 7 years later for my doctorates. so when I am 52 approxamatly I can have the title of dr master. and everyone will refer to me as such. I may legally get my name changed to Dr Master Barnett.... yeah... but I digress. I guess I should focus on the here and now. I'm just throwing the idea out there for you three who read this ( Hi Charla, and possibly Annie and Amanda... best guess) Since you all only have 29.5 years to get used to the idea...

On to the rest of my life. I'm losing a grade and a title at work. And I'm pissed. This pilot program was shit when team one came in. we sat thru three weeks of useless training because no one knew what we would or wouldn't need. We were given the worst desk instructions ever spawned and daily. nay hourly changes for months on end. Then we were told that another team was going to be brought on and we all worried about them taking our jobs. Upper managment swore up and down that the other team was collapsaible. They would go first. now in the interest of being "fair" they have put all of us in a big pot and went by who had been there the longest and who had the best evaluation. so since I've only been there a year and have had shitty lazy power trippy managers I'm getting screwed outta a team I helped build up from the damn ground up. Oh and even better anytime I bring up a valid point about why this is bull shit I get talked in circles or told "that's just the way it is." Then they come to me and ask me to do things like show the super higher ups how to work a case or take extra cases "cuz we're super behind" but still tell me theres nothing they can do. I even got a talking to about my "attitude" after I told my boss to ask someone who would "still be on this team in a month" to take extra work. No shit I have an attitude. You want to work me like a slave then get rid of me. I feel like a whore. I've been paid for my services now I need to get out. I suppose I will start from the bottom again. I know I am better than this. I work my ass off for that place and get shit on in return. Fuck it. Fuck em. My next month will be a cake walk. I hate everyone there and I think my boss understands that I am super pissed and have no problems annoucing it. so I will spend the next two weeks enjoying my last fridays off and catching up on movies and tv shows. Anus. I'm coming back. stay the hell outta my way. I hate you . You hate me. I will try and be outta your hair as quickly as possible.

My Family has become a living hell. My father is a fuckhead and I have had about all of him I can take. Ellie has decided to move into her own aptment. She found one in layton that is afordable for her. Im so not comfortable with her living alone. But She's 18. I can't stop her. And really she has no choice. The way my father is acting right now I'm surprised my mother hasn't slept here once or twice. or infinitly. I've decided as bad of an idea as it may be to set a timeline and at the end of it if things haven't gotten better then I am stepping in. If things stay the same and my father doesn't say or do anything stupid he has til Thanksgiving to straighten the fuck up. He told my mom that He would rather sit at home alone on thanksgiving then lay eyes on the daughter that "quit the family" (which side note. I hear that phrase one more time my timeline and patience will go to zero and I cannot be held responsable for my actions.) If he is so petty as to miss thanksgivine so help me god I will spend this holiday season in jail and he will spend it in the hospital. For my whole life (but more...vigorously(?) the last 8 years or so) he's been so stubborn and stupid. However he percieves things thats the way they are and that is that. Regardless of what kinda logic or reason you put into a situation if he thinks it's this way then its this way. I'm glad Ellie chose a less destructive way of dealing with it rather than bite her tongue and then get wasted. But I still don't like the idea of her getting thrown out 2 weeks after graduation. He has always pitted us against each other. I cannot count how many times Ellie has told me in my life things like "you're the favorite" or "they can't help me cuz they are too busy helping you." It's caused a real riff in our relationship and I would give anything to change it. Between that wedge froom my father and my out of control bursts of anger and the physical manifestations of it I'm afraid that our relationship is almost irrepariable. And that makes me even more angry. I can count the number of times I've been held down and yelled at or beaten or choaked or any number of other horrible things as punishment. I'm now big enough to take on my dad and he's got nothing to hold over me. Thanksgiving is the end of my rope. I love Christmas and if he is going to ruin it then he doesn't get to be a part of it. Or my life. And from here on out I have new rules concerning him regardless of outcome. #1. He will never. ever. be allowed alone with my children. Ever. I'm not sure if even him and my mom will be left alone cuz He'll just do whatever he wants and make her cry if she tries to stop him. I love my future children too much to put them thru the Hellish nightmare that was my life. In fact if Andy or I are not there then I don't think my kids will be. I will call Ellie or call Mom or call and pay Darcy (she informed me she charges by the hour and unless I get prego in the next two months she'll be home before I have kids) He's unfit to be around children. #2 If He so much as makes a hurtful statment, joking or not, towards me, andy, ellie, mom, or my kids I will flatten his ass. I spent my whole life hearing "You were an accident anyway" (note: my parents aniversary is May 7th 1988. My birthday is Nov 5th 1988. You do the math) You know when you hear that day in and day out my whole life. and then when I would act hurt he would say "I'm only joking grow some tougher skin" Well after 22 years jokes obviously have some meaning. #3. I'm done asking for or accepting help. I will stand on my own like Ellie is being forced to. I tell my mom all the time I have extra rooms and an extra bed (type thing. aka futon). I wouldn't be surprised if she took me up on that someday. Andy knows how I feel about this so he's even been limiting his interactions with my dad. And #4. If my mother cries because of him one more time he had better be in the hospital or he soon will be. I. Will. Not. Stand. For. That. Anymore. Once more and I will need you guys to come visit me in jail. But if I have to go down there Thanksgiving and beat some sense into him all other rules will go out the window and we will go to the only rule. Mike is not allowed within 50 feet of my house. He is not to contact me or Andy or our children. I will get a restraining order if I have to. But if he tries to keep my mother from seeing me or me from seeing her I will go down there and break both his legs. I'm done with the high school bullshit.

Anywho that's about enough for this one.