Waiting for Zaid...

I decided I'm not done yet for today, and where I'm teathered to my phone waiting for the call to come down to the hospital and see my nephew I'll vent and wallow some more.

So I took the day off work cuz Erin was getting induced today. I've sat on pins and needles all day just waiting. I cannot wait to meet him. It sounds bad but I've felt connected to Zaid since we found out Erin was preggers. I'm not sure why but I've never felt this way about any of the others. I mean I loved Clay and Lexi from day one but I didn't meet them until they were like 3 and 1. And then when Amanda got Pregnant with Austin I was.. actually really jealous. But once I got over that I was excited again. But I never really felt anymore connect to Austin than with any of the others. I dunno if it's just that I didn't spend as much time with Amanda while she was prego or what but for whatever reason I just never felt as close to him. Also he cries everytime I touch him. I still love him but I think I've made my point.
Zaid on the other hand, I attribute it to the fact that Paul was gone almost all of Erins pregnancy working in Iraq. I mowed Erins lawn for her all summer and got to go with her to register for her baby shower. It was so neat and I will forever be grateful for the experience. As clueless as we were in the store (how many of these will I need. Oh I dunno. We shoulda brought Amanda huh?) it was so much fun. I've talked to him a few times thru Erins tummy and let him know that I'm here with a whole room full of toys and no one for him to have to share them with. So when he gets mad at his parents he can call me and I will come get him. They all laugh but I'm serious. Like I said I've felt connected to him in a new way. I'd like to think that we really will be buddies and I can help him in some way. I'm not sure tho. I can't really help myself right now let alone anyone else. I'm letting myself get beaten by some setbacks. Albeit a lot of setbacks but still... So what I got screwed at work so what I have to start from the bottom yet again with managment that treats me like crap. does that mean I should curl up and die? No. I'm still going to fight at work to keep my job. or at least get something positive outta this endevor. I know that I deserve better and I know that I am willing to fight to get what I deserve. Acting like a baby is only going to make things worse. I have a valid case and I will be heard and keep going until I get results. It's unfair sure but a lot if things are. Everyone else can get pregnant at the drop of a hat. It sucks. anyone who has never had to experience this has no idea what it's like. and anyone who tells me it'll happen when it's time doesn't have a clue either. I've decided that in Nov I'm going to my dr and saying I've done everything you've asked and none of it works and I need to get pregnant. Help me as is or I will find someone who will.
Anywho I'm going to go get some dinner then hopefully go meet Zaiden.