Things I learned from telemarketing

So I'm officially done call centering. (Yes that's a real word) And even though I've only done it for like 6 weeks I've learned a lot. It also makes me have a great appreciation for anyone who does this for more than 5 minutes.

But I learned a lot

• Don't call to have something done if you are in a hurry. I'm sorry But if your blackberry isn't receiving emails like it should it's going to take more than 5 minutes to fix. It takes more than 5 minutes to even pull up all the systems that I need to use to fix your problem. You yelling at mean because you have a meeting in 5 minutes and you've called in 4 times to get this fixed already will not make anything work faster. and maybe if the other three times you called in you had more than 5 minutes this woulda been fixed.
  
• Don't freak out cuz I ask you for the safety things. number name and last 4 of the ssn or passcode. these are put on for your safety. Don't yell at me because I am asking that. It takes 2 fucking minutes and this prevents you from identity theft or unwanted changes to your account. I'm sorry this world doesn't have 2 minutes to spare. but maybe you should all just chill out. Cuz if I didn't ask and it wasn't really you you'd call back freaking out about the changes and accuse us of not protecting your stuff
  
• If you call freaking out about a bill that is $988 cuz you took your iphone and Mexico and used it for a full month and didn't bother to ask if there was a charge or something to use it out of the country and I offer, cuz I'm nice and don't have to these are valid charges, to help you out and give you $200 off don't escalate the call to my manager trying to get more. He'll prolly not even offer to give you the $200 I was willing to give you. Don't be greedy. Take it and say thank you
  
• Don't call and argue with me. It's my job to know how to fix your phone. And believe it or not you are not the first person to have this problem. It's true. I don't care how much you argue with me I'm not putting you thru to tech unless you try all the things I tell you. including turning your phone off and on again. I don't care how much you think you know about 60% of the time power cycling-turning the phone off and on. yes there is a technical name for it- the handset(phone) fixes the problem. I'm resending stuff over the air and a whole mess o other things you don't know about or understand. But you know. maybe I'm wrong. I do this all day and am paid for it and you called me for help but maybe I'm wrong.
  
• Also don't try and pull a fast one on me. I don't care that I don't speak Spanish. No means no in English too. and I can hear you, and cries of "Aye Papi" accompanied by a foot stamp usually don't mean yes.
  
• And don't let your 14 year old call in. she doesn't know shit and will argue with me about everything. I don't have time to deal with this. I got other things to do. (the last two bullets before this one(and this one) were from the same call. ask me about it someday)
  
• Don't argue with me for something ridiculous. I don't care if you've been with us for 20 years I cannot give you 5 free iphones or turn an iphone into a prepaid account. or take the data plan off the iphone. or fix your problem in 5 minutes. or put a verizon phone on our network. I can't even do that for myself and I work here.. I'm sorry you must've missed it earlier when I introduced myself. My name is Myndi. Not Jesus. There are some things I just can't do. I'm sure if I came to your accounting job and asked you to make sure I got $750,000 on my tax return you couldn't do it. No matter what. Same principal.
  
• Don't make vague threats. You don't know where I live or even my name prolly. I tell you at the first but most of you will call me Wendy Grenwald. I on the other hand can see your address phone number, ssn, credit report, plan, how much you owe us, and a whole plethora of other things that can be used to make your life a living hell. Don't push me.
  
• Do be nice. I am more than willing to work with you and help you out as much as I can when you are nice and gracious. 9 times out of 10 you are calling us about valid charges that I do not need to adjust. but I will for nice people. anyone who calls in yelling at me about The IVR or whatev I'm not going to help you as much. It's the difference between 500 extra rollover minutes and a $50 credit. I'm serious
  
• If you are getting exceptionally good service do mention it. I sit there for 8 hours a day getting told I'm an incompetent fool. It's nice to hear "I've never had such good service." or "You are doing a great job explaining a difficult principal"
  
• Do have a sense of humor. I joke with you. Don't be a wet blanket. It makes me feel like a jackass for trying
  

And above all remember:

• There is a human on the other end. I am not a robot. I am an actual person. I do make mistakes and it is normal. you make mistakes too. I've never talked to you before this and I'll prolly never talk to you again. I did not make this mistake. I'll help you fix it. But I'm not here to be your verbal punching bag, sexual thrill, or therapist. I'll be pleasant and amiable but don't over do it. I don't wanna hear about lady and coco and your other 5 dogs. I don't wanna hear about the best porn you've ever seen. And I sure as hell don't wanna hear about how your dad died and now it disturbs you to hear his fucking phone ring and now you are demanding things be done that can not be done and will not be done. I don't care what is going on in your life. you have no right to treat another human like that. Ever. I won't do jack shit for you if you call in and demand it. I have my own problems. My dad might have just died too. but I'm not allowed to tell you that. There are people from all walks of life on the other end of that phone. from the 20 year old college student that has to take this til she gets thru accounting to the new father that now has to provide for 2 more people other than himself. to the newly divorced mother with one son in jail, one facing jail time and a retarded daughter. Don't be an ass. chill the fuck out.