Fun at walmarts( very mild cursing)

So yesterday I went into walmarts to see my friend Zane who works there and to avoid going home for a little while longer and had an awesome adventure which I will now proceed to tell:

First thing I noticed upon walking into the store was that they were pumping Christmas carols in at volume 11! and not one uniform carol all over the store but like 4 different ones depending on where you went. yeah.. it's November....2nd... there is like two whole holidays between now and Christmas... but whatev well after about 30 seconds this got annoying.. so I began complaining... loudly.. to every associate I met about how annoying this music was and how offended I was that they were taking a holiday meant to celebrate the birth of our savior and were turning it into a commercialized idol...
Next, I noticed that every trace of Halloween was gone.. and I don't mean pulled down cuz the holiday is over and put in clearance carts to try and sell all this stuff we don't need until next year.. I mean GONE! I couldn't've found a jack o lantern if I had wanted to! it was as tho it had never existed..instead Rudolph the red nosed reindeer and the creepiest frosty the snowman I have ever seen were lurking about at every corner...*shudders*
So,I finally made it down to the fabric section-it takes a long time to get to the back of the store when everytime you see and employee and especially managers you have to complain at them all the while looking over your shoulder to make sure some creepy snowman is going to kidnap and murder you- and I was looking at the fleece cuz I've decided to keep myself sane here at home until I start work in a few weeks I am going to make a fleece blanket...so I was looking at the two different kinds of broncos fleece and seeing if they would work together, decided that no.. they wouldn't, deciding which one I liked better, then trying to find something to go behind the one I decided I liked whether I wanted blue, or orange, or black, etc.. so I was walking around the department for like 20 minutes prolly inspecting fleece and prices and etc(yes I can sew so I do know what I was looking for.. I know shocking...)and the old lady that was the manager of the department was following me around watching as tho I'm going to steal a bolt of fabric or something(I realize I don't look like I can sew or would even want to.. but come on.. ) so I make it back to the broncos fleece and I'm trying to convince myself that the two different broncos styles could work together(walmarts doesn't have the best selection but I was too lazy to go anywhere else) when these two other ladies come walking by and stop and look at the frog fleece that is just down the rack and one of the ladies says "this'd be cute.. but I wonder what we have" or something like that leading me to believe that she worked there.. so I said"excuse me..do you know how much fleece I would need to make a decent sized blanket for myself?" (I was guessing three yards... give or take) and the one lady (I'll call her lady "a") said " for you? prolly about 1.5 to 2 yards. You'll lose about half an inch when you tie it but that'll give you a blanket about 5 feet by like 3 or 4." *then she leans in kinda close* "but you don't wanna buy anything from here... I work at Hancock fabric and we have a much better selection and we are having a 50% off sale the 9-11th.. come out there and get it then" and I said "like next week? OK .Thanks!" at this point remember the old lady associate that has been following me the whole time? she has been listening to us the whole time? she's been shooting daggers with her eyes at lady a the whole time we've been talking. At the mention of this better sale Ola(old lady associate) made a Marge Simpson sound. You know that low disapproving 'mmmm' sound. yeah that one. I turn to Ola and adopt a very haughty British tone and say "Instead of standing there glaring angrily and eavesdropping, why don't you go see if you can't do something about the offensive music and let the grown-ups talk?"(I realize I'm an ass.. but... well there's really no justification.. I'm just an ass) Ola has this look of pure shock on her face as I say this. Kinda a 'Oh. My. God! Did you really just have the audacity say that to me?' look-you all know the look. Ola then sputters a little a then just turns and walks away muttering. I now look back at the two ladies and said"I'm sorry she's been following me around this whole time as tho I'm going to steal a bolt of fabric.. I realize I look a little unorthodox but come on" Lady A is smiling and says "wow.. you showed her.. she must've been bugging you as much as she was me" and Lady b(the lady with lady a.. the one that has said or done nothing this whole time) is doubled over in laughter.. I swear to you I think she peed! Tears are running down Lady B's face and she kinda walks over to me hunched over in laughter and gives me a high five and then walks away! It was the coolest thing I have seen all week!
That's pretty much the end of the story.. I thanked Lady A again for the help and told her I would for sure check out Hancock fabrics. then I asked her if they had broncos and packers fleece she confirmed that they did.. then thanked me for a good laugh and we went our separate ways.. but if you open up the Standered Examiner in the next few days and the headline reads 'Crazy walmart employee murders assish broncos fan' you'll know the story ;)